Here and Back Again

I come to the ocean to grieve
Standing where he sat in his chair last summer
Looking out over the waves
I feel his presence in my tears
The gusty wind wraps around me
And I know he wants to be here
In my mind’s ear I hear the strains of an old familiar song
That starts as if a radio plays, then joins my voice, and then it’s his
He sings this song to comfort and encourage me
“You light up my life, you give me hope to carry on”
He sings to tell me he will always love me
Yes, you light up my life
He sings to tell me there is life after death
You give me hope to carry on
You light up my days, and fill my nights with song

While we were at the beach this evening, I was thinking about Dad and trying to write a poem, and Dad sent me a song. The first one was “You Light Up My Life”. As we returned to the car, he sent me “What I Did For Love.” And when I got back to Epworth, he sent me “Yesterday Once More.” I spent a good part of the evening looking for more songs on iTunes to download and create a playlist for remembering Dad. I called it “Yesterday Once More.”

Listening to songs that remind me of Dad and my childhood years makes me cry. But it’s a good cry and the nostalgia reminds me of all the wonderful times and good feelings with my Dad. I feel closer to him and it helps me.

I hoped to see my stars at the beach, but it was cloudy. I waited and watched for them to appear, but to no avail. It’s OK. East Beach is my beach. It’s the beach I call home. I think it’s my little boy’s beach, too. He told me he wants to live here. I dream of it. I long for it. God speaks to me here; always has, even when I was but a wee thing. It’s where I went in my teen years to hope, to wish and to pray. Dad speaks to me here, too.

This island is in my blood. I got my first scar when I cut my leg on a barnacle here. The island and I became blood brothers. I was 5, maybe. I was climbing on the rock with my brothers, searching for crabs and shells, down by the old pier at Epworth. It’s the pier where I caught my very first fish–a little toad fish. I was so excited that I ran all the way back to Reynolds to show my Dad. He thought it was great.

“Kiss today goodbye–the sweetness and sorrow.
Love is never gone, as we travel on,
Love is what we remember.”

This entry was posted in Grief, Grieving with Grace. Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to Here and Back Again

  1. Lovely. May you continue to find freedom for the tears and the comfort they bring.

I can't wait to read your comment! Thanks so much for taking the time to post your thoughts.

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