It’s been a week since I gave the gift of forgiveness to the church, and it has been good. At first, I felt meek and I just wanted to continue to stay inside my house-shell. The next day, I felt joy. There was extra spring in my step, and though I don’t advertise this process, I do sometimes find myself among people who I believe understand and appreciate the journey. I had lunch with some of those last Thursday. While we chatted about our lives and doings, I knit on the forgiveness project shawl.
I know I’m not the only one who has been hurt by people she trusted. I know I’m not the only one who has wished for circumstances to be different, even if it could just be the present circumstances when the past can’t be changed. Maybe that’s why the knitting continues to be so slow. It occurs to me that maybe I’m trying to do it all by myself instead of letting God be the one to roll the stone away.
I don’t think God intends for me to just sit back and let Him do all of the work. Why else would I have been given a mind and a body? I have a part in the work and I tend to think of it as trying to be in concert with God. Doing my part to live right (in heart, mind and body) is, as I see it, making room for the miracle.
The forgiving, the eating right, the exercising and resting are all part of the journey. The trusting, the believing, all pieces of the larger picture- stitches in the great shawl.
I have, whether intentionally or not, created an accountability system for pieces of this forgiveness process. It helps, I think, to have people depending on me to do what I have promised myself I will do. They nudge me forward, and they learn too.
Stitch by stitch, row by row, gonna make this forgiveness grow.
So should the shawl be two skeins or more? Will two hold the brokenness and collect it back together? Or should I buckle down and grow it some more? How much is enough to cover our sin? It seems God is answering me and saying, it is not the physical size of the shawl that does it, but rather the genuineness of the action behind it. Too small would show a lack of seriousness, too large would show an exaggeration of the intent.
Somewhere in between, there is a just rightness.
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